Mr. Darcy and the art of handling a rejection.
"From favourites to muted, life goes on."
Calling his proposal a disaster would be an understatement. No matter how genuine your feelings are, you cannot insult her family, her status in society, say that you're doing it despite your 'better judgement' almost as if you're doing her a favour and expect her to accept it. Not even if you're Mr. Darcy, one of the most eligible bachelors in the country. It's hilarious how baffled he was that Elizabeth didn't reciprocate his feelings. I mean, what's not to like about him? His money? Good. His status in society? Good. His looks? Goooooood. And for almost every woman in that era, these are the only things which mattered. Hell, even Mr. Collins was fully convinced that Elizabeth would accept his own proposal. It's only natural that Mr. Darcy assumed his advances would be encouraged.
Not only did she reject him, she did so in an absolutely brutal manner. There were two primary reasons for this. One was his involvement in breaking her sister Jane's relationship with Mr. Bingley and the second was his treatment of Mr. Wickham. As Elizabeth later acknowledges, Mr. Darcy was not entirely mistaken in his assessment of Jane and that he acted in the best interests of his close friend Mr. Bingley. On top of that, Elizabeth herself was embarrassed by the actions of her mother and her younger sisters at various points in the book. With respect to Mr. Wickham, she was entirely wrong about him and her prejudice against Mr. Darcy ever since she first met him made it easy for her to believe Mr. Wickham's tale.
Mr. Dacry knows that Elizabeth has her facts wrong. He knows that her decision is partly based on those misunderstandings. And he also knows that she sympathises and perhaps even likes Mr. Wickham to some extent. The one man whom Mr. Darcy hates and for good reasons. Despite knowing all this, what does he do when she says no? He walks away. This is all he had to say.
You have said quite enough, madam. I perfectly comprehend your feelings, and have now only to be ashamed of what my own have been. Forgive me for having taken up so much of your time, and accept my best wishes for your health and happiness.
I can only imagine how badly Mr. Darcy wanted to tell her how wrong she was about Mr. Wickham and that it is unfair of her to judge him based on Mr. Wickham's tale and how much it must have hurt to see the person he loves sympathise with the one person who has done him so much wrong. But he didn't do it. Instead, he just walks away wishing her the best. Ever since I first read this, this is the kind of person I aspired to be. My fellow men, in the world where fighting for your love and 'winning over' the girl is romanticised(I am looking at you SRK and Dil Se), normalise walking away.
It doesn't matter what the reason is. It doesn't matter if you are the actual problem or if it's because of some other circumstances. It doesn't matter if you can't imagine yourself with any other person. It doesn't matter if your entire source of happiness was this one person. It doesn't matter if she is your Elizabeth in a world full of the Bingley sisters. Do not push it further if they say no. It takes two people to make a relationship and it is likely that the other person doesn't feel the same way you do. The moment you ask them out, you will be putting them on a spot. If they don't share the same feelings you do, it is almost impossible to respond without hurting you. Whether they're coming up with a reason to not hurt you too much or if their reason is entirely genuine doesn't matter. No matter what the reason is, if they don't see themselves with you, then that's the end of it. Bear no grudge or any dislike towards them. You don't have to harbour ill feelings if someone says no. Your ego must not be so hurt that you start wishing terrible things on the person you supposedly loved. Wish them the best and walk away. If they change their mind, they will come back to you but don't have any hopes of it. This is in my opinion the most ideal way of dealing with a rejection and it was Mr. Darcy who influenced me.
What I admire most about Mr. Darcy is how he handled himself after being rejected. Despite Elizabeth's poor opinion of him, he never once spoke ill of her. Instead, he consistently spoke of her with nothing but respect and admiration. This is evident with his sister Georgiana's interactions with Elizabeth. He even resolved Lydia's scandal in complete secrecy without letting anyone know about it. The unselfish desire to help someone without expecting anything in return is such a rarity. And to top it all off, he took Elizabeth's criticisms to heart, and genuinely changed to become a better person. This is what a well executed redemption arc looks like.
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